The last week of my maternity leave draws to a close, I have one precious day left of my blissful, contented and very chilled out mama life before I have to work out how to manage ‘mama reality’.
I can’t hide it, the last few days have been quite emotional for me. I’ve been torn between so many different feelings and it’s been another bit of the mama rollercoaster.
- Sad that I don’t get to spend all my time with sprog and knowing every little move and reaction and what it means.
- Glad that I am getting to spend some time using my brain for my purposes.
- Sad that other people will get to spend so much time with him (that’s the selfish bit of me)
- Glad that other people get to spend time with him (he’s a very happy soul and will spread a lot of joy, and I want him to mix with other children and be confident and independent)
- Worried that he won’t always have the same experiences that I would plan for him (although in reality, it’ll probably be far more exciting for him)
- Glad that I don’t live in America – the statistics I read suggest that of 50% of the mums in America go back to work within 4 months of having their first baby… At 4 months, they barely have a personality and surely you are still very, very sleep deprived!!
- Anxious about how I will combine both parts of my life.
- Surprised by how little I’m worrying about remembering how to teach or what to do.
- Surprised at how much I’m worrying about the organisational things for getting us all out of the house, and then back home in the evening.
And it all just keeps going round in my head! Thing is, I know that I’m a pretty good mum now…what if I can’t actually manage to be super woman and achieve everything I want to when I go back?!
What if I’m too tired at the weekends to play and give sprog the attention that he deserves and that I give him now?!
I must just keep on telling myself that I can do it. I’m organised (ish), I’ve planned my lessons (well, some of them), sprog is going to be with people who love him (or the nursery ladies who are quickly falling head over heels) and I have to keep trying to be a “good enough mum” and all will be ok.
Wish me luck!
A great article on being “good enough”! http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/headshrinkers-guide-the-galaxy/201205/in-search-the-good-enough-mother