I think we all have these phases, well at least I hope we do and I’m not the only mad fruit loop out there!
I spend my days with my eyes half closed, and my heart hanging. I feel a little bit like I’m in a permanent hangover but without the fun of the night before. That tired, lacklustre feeling that you are physically dragging yourself through each day.
The last few weeks have been chaotic and being the person that I am, I cannot let go of some things. Alongside my grannies death, there have been possible house moves (now not happening – this is the right decision and I am happy with this), trying to fix things around our house whilst more things break, thinking about the future of my career and family balance, and (excuse my language) a s**t load of marking to do too. Add in a good helping of snot, coughing and sleep disruption from Sprog and I’m understandably not feeling on top form. However, what frustrates me most about myself is that I know despite all of these things, I can stay healthy and look after myself at the same time as I’ve done it before. But at the moment, I can’t. I can’t say no to the chocolate, the sweets, the cake. I can’t stop myself from heading to the crisp cupboard as soon as I get in from work.
As soon as I’ve caved, I feel a terrible self loathing pass over me. At the moment, I am uncomfortable in my skin and my body. I am avoiding looking in the mirror at all costs.
I’ve just lost my spark, my mojo, my fizz!
Right now, I’m not even sure how I get it back. I thought I’d managed to give myself a stern talking to last night and then ‘boom’ I caved again! I’m finding it tough.
I didn’t really want to publish a weight watching post this week as it’s gone beyond trying to loose weight and I’ve dropped into somewhere much less happy than I was BUT I promised myself that this year I would hold myself accountable on my little blog.
My plan for this week is
1 – hit my 10,000 step goal every day.
2 – start the 30 day ab challenge again.
3 – remember to moisturise my tummy – my stretch marks were so itchy today that I nearly scratched through my skin.