‘Deeds not words’ is of course takes from Emmeline Pankhurst and the Suffragettes. Being a History teacher, these are some of my utter heroines and after watching the film Suffragette at the cinema last week I was inspired by their strength and determination in the face of great adversity. They lost so greatly and sacrificed so much to make life better for the generations to come which includes me. Through their actions they lost family and friends, their dignity was taken from them and Emily Davison even lost her life for the cause. They wanted women to be equal to men, they wanted fairness and most simply they wanted to be able to vote. How would they feel about how women find themselves now?
Am I making the most of it of the world that they created for me?!
I feel stuck ‘in limbo’ and have done for some time. I love being Mama and being able to watch Sprog grow and learn. I am so lucky to be able to spend time with him, even if it is only a few days every couple of months. (I did also work at least 25 hours during my half term week off!)
I love teaching. The 6 hours days that I spend with the girls I teach are wonderful. I enjoy so much the time where I support, challenge and help them to learn new things and overcome difficulties. Just this week along with teaching history, I’ve also taught my year 9s the saying “the straw that broke the camel’s back“… Life changing stuff! Seriously, I am in a position to make a difference and that is a privilege.
However, it also takes so much from me. “Deeds not words” is why I haven’t written on this blog much recently. I have been surviving at work by ensuring that every little thing I do professionally is good. I need to be beyond reproach and show that I am worth it. “Deeds not words” leaves me feeling further from the profession that I loved because I find elements of my work environment a challenge follow my change of school. I have however, recently found someone who inspires and supports me and she gives me get strength to move forward.
“Deeds not words” inspires me to make positive changes in my life to be brave enough to create some of the adaptations that I wish to see. I still can’t express them here as I don’t know what form they’ll take, if they ever do. As of a discussion at the end of the week at work, I’m not sure what shape that future holds at all. For the first time in 3 years someone spoke to me like a professional who still has career options in front of them and not as someone who’s had a baby and now has few options.
I’m not sure that I’m brave enough to make changes happen as chances are they would be radical changes. I don’t remember ever taking a real ‘risk’ with the course of my life. It’s always been meticulously planned out, by me. I’ve never taken a risk that I don’t know whether it will pay off.
Can I be brave enough? Can I find it in myself to take that risk like the Suffragettes did?