The reasons why people over eat, stress eat, comfort eat are wide and varied. I can’t speak for anyone else but I do know why I do it.
I recently wore an outfit that literally transported me back a whole 12 months and as a result has really hurt my mentality and head space and much more than I expected.
I’d known that over the last 2 or 3 weeks, my weight had been creeping up, and not particularly slowly at that. I also know why but I’ve not been able to break my cycle. The amount of chocolate around has not helped but I know that when I’m in the right place, that doesn’t matter I can ignore the bad choices and still be ‘good’.
I have a cycle of eating and healthiness. This cycle normally lasts around a month (not coinciding with the ‘other’ monthly cycle) and has a very structured routine. You’d think that knowing this would make it easier, but I just can’t break stages 2 and 3!
I eat lots of fruit and veg, I can say no to the chocolate, sweets and cakes and I manage to get some exercise in. During this period, I am calm and relatively stress free at work. I don’t take much home and that allows me time to chill out in the evenings, to watch TV, and to sleep well.
It means that I prepare a good breakfast, a good lunch to take to work and enjoy cooking our dinners. During this stage, I loose weight.
I begin to feel behind at work which leads to me eating more; at this stage it’s not necessarily ‘naughty’ food but just ‘more’. As I get more stressed out by the lack of time to do marking and planning, I eat more.
As a result, I feel horrible so I eat more to give me energy. I feel tired, so I eat more. During this stage, I stop loosing weight and maybe put on a pound.
I work harder, bring more marking home, work at the weekend’s to get on top of everything and feel like a terrible mother for not being able to spend as much time as I want with Sprog. I feel bad for wanting to work and that my job means that I have to work at home as well as during the day.
I set my alarm for silly o’clock (normally around 5.30 a.m.) so that I can work before the boys get up. I sleep less as I’m worrying about everything, I’m more tired. Guess what?! I eat to compensate for this. It’s at this point that I turn to the naughties… I eat rubbish, drink more caffeine and feel even worse! During this stage, I gain weight.
I feel sluggish, lethargic and totally rubbish. I start to have hissy fits about doing marking and stop doing as much. I refuse to bring work home and I start to think more about what I’m eating.
This all means that I start to relax more, sleep better and feel more able to deal with everything. During this stage, I begin loosing weight again.
Where am I now?
I find myself very much stuck at the moment. Before the Easter holidays, I was in Stage three and struggling to get through each day. Now, I’ve moved in stage four with the work load and am just refusing to do any but I can’t shift the eating mentality.
I have started listening to my SlimPod again as I’d stopped doing that when I was super tired before the holidays… I know, it doesn’t make sense to stop doing something that helps when you need it most. I’m going to be making more of an effort to hit my step count each day and I’m just about to plan the food shopping.
I know that the biggest factor making me unhappy and making me want to eat is work. I don’t know how to tackle that one yet. I don’t want to look back at Sprog’s early years when we’re older and just remember being unhappy with how I felt and looked, I want to be able to look back and have felt good about myself but at the moment my self worth is pretty low.